I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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