my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
