My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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