i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
