HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
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It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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