Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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