If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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