my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
