I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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