I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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