remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
