I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I could fuck to npr.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
