so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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