I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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