The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
