just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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