$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
