I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's no shave November. This is our time.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
