He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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