put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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