I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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