Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
