i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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