Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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