Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
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Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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