I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
