it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
