Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
