i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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