6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
