did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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