i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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