why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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