Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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