the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
