cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
