I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
