She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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