Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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