Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
