ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
