Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
