A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
third nipple confirmed
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
