see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize