She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
