my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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