New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
