So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
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tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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