420 ftw
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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