You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
