So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
