Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
