I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
