so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You were trust falling into bushes
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
