I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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