Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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