you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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