RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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