I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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