I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
