And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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