I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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