i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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