I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
