I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
