She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
