I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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