he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
