Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
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i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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