Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
