we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
