Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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