Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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