So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
